Hope you had a huppi nu ear. I flept off after drinking two glaffef of wine. I am growing old. fniff.
Anyway, af per tradition, my nu ear refolution lift!
1. Learn French and finally read thofe afterix comicf in french coz apparently they are funnier in french.
2. Move butt out of chair and ftart walking. Caufe I fure af hell won't join a gym!
3. Travel! Yef, fpend the money I've been faving for a year now. Blow it all on travel. And men. And ice cream. And bookf of courfe!
There waf a number four but I had to cut it out caufe it waf that I write an entire poft without ufing the letter 'f'. You know... the f one... (juft faw a movie, you know which one :D, again)
Fo, Huppi Nu Ear! Hope you didn't drink and drive. If you did, hope you didn't get caught. If you did, lemme know, I'll bring food in jail.
During our many inane conversations, a friend expressed his inability to understand life. He’d just returned from a funeral. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. Anything I thought correct anyway.
I wanted to tell him so many things and nothing at once. Death is something we never talk about, you know. I mean, my mum would gladly answer more questions on sex than on death. Death is a bigger taboo. “Mom, where are my grandparents?” “Oh dear, they are in Nigeria.” “Cool! Can I go visit them?” “No dear, it is very, very far.” “Oh okay.”
So how does life work? Two lust ridden people have sex, the condom unfortunately breaks and the strongest sperm reaches the ovaries and buries itself in the egg. Nine hormone ridden months later; life! As the parents and relatives gather round the little thing, they coochie-coo about the little toes and fingers and the “Oh he has your eyes!” The child grows up, poops a lot in the beginning and his favourite uncle calls him a ‘grubby brat’. He goes to school and pulls the pigtails of girls. Then a few years later he jacks off thinking of the very same girls. College and an ‘I do’. He then has his own grubby brats who in turn have their own and one fine day, he kicks the bucket over a large whisky while reading the paper out on the porch. That is, if he’s lucky.
So what is the meaning of living if the only thing that is certain in life is that we are going to die?
A child is afraid to jump in the swimming pool for the first time because he doesn’t know what will happen. Will he drown? Will the water demon hiding under the tiles devour him? He doesn’t know so he sits, waiting and shivering in the cold, observing those around him. Suddenly he’s pushed by a cold hand. The coach, tired of seeing the child hover, pushes him. The child splutters. There is water everywhere. He waves his hands about. He finds that when he moves his hands about, he can balance himself. He gains confidence. And stops to thrash around and experiments with his hand movements. He wades across to the other side and soon, is running out of the pool to jump in again with the other boys. The fear is gone. He knows now what happens after he jumps in. And he knows how to tackle it. He is not afraid anymore.
The thing is that we spend all our lives tottering on the edge of an unknown pool, knowing we will have to jump in one day whether we like it or not. We can go in smiling; yelling happily or we can hover around until the cold hand pushes us in. We have to go into the pool. Only choice we have is whether we hold onto the railing till someone pushes us in or we jump in madly, screaming happily like we did when school let out.
I don’t know what’ll happen when we fall. But if, there is nothing after the fall, I wanna make sure that the time before the fall was well spent. I'm gonna collect all the smiles and laughs, tears and hugs and kisses so that when I'm talking to myself as I fall down the rabbit hole, I can giggle madly at each memory. And if there is something in the after life after all, well then; bring it on!
This was written two weeks back. Just forgot to put it up.
Leaving for home late last night from office, I was crossing the road to my car. I was dreaming of the yummy chicken my sister had made and how I’d resisted the mutton biryani people were eating in office. I’d plugged in my headphones was humming to ‘Lucy in the Sky’ when I saw two kids running around with a kiddie cycle in the middle of the road. Our office parking is right opposite a residential colony but I’d never seen kids out so late. And because it is near an advertising office, speeding cars with drunks can never be ruled out. So I pulled out the headphones and asked them not to play on the road. Being nice kids, they came to the footpath and I glanced around for their parents. One of them spoke up, “Sorry didi, plastic dhoond rahe thhe. Khaana khana hai.” (We were looking for plastic scrap so we can buy food).
I stood looking at them and suddenly I could see the chicken that was waiting for me at home. I started crying right in the middle of the bloody road. The kids were staring at me curiously. One actually asked, “Didi, aap theek ho?” I shook myself and gave them money. They thanked me with their huge smiles. It broke my heart. They ran away excited to buy food (I hope). I got into the car and drove home. I couldn’t eat the chicken my sister had so lovingly made. I was guilty. What have I done to deserve this life? I have seen tough times, I have. But then I’m still getting three meals (more actually) everyday. I have a warm bed to sleep at night. And the whole night I couldn’t sleep.
As I was getting dresses in the morning, I realised I was guilty because I was happy. Isn’t that weird? Can one only be proud of suffering and pain? I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve these comforts whereas those kids don’t know where their next meal will come from! Why did I start crying? Why couldn’t I eat the chicken? Why do I feel guilty for being comfortable?
Does society condition us to feel guilty about every good thing? I felt bad for those kids so I gave them money. Why did I need to do that? Just so I could ease my conscience? Why do I need to do that? Why do I feel bad for being rich when so many people are poor? Is it wrong to be rich? Why must I constantly justify my ‘goodness’? Or actually why must I constantly prove my ‘goodness’? The mere fact that I intend to post this on my blog says I need to tell people what I did. WHY? Aaarrgghhhh ….
I've heard horror stories about countless Jews stuffed into a tiny cubicle type room in concentration camps. I've seen images of the mass of humanity that is stuffed inside a Mumbai local train. Limb sticks to limb, you don't know where your leg is or whether it is your hand that is scratching your butt. Joints out of place, limbs limp and gone to sleep... Well, I just experienced something similar only yesterday. No, no I was not jailed or in Mumbai but I did drink beer :)
After work yesterday, I felt like a cold beer. So enticed everyone in office. Trooped down to the theka and got 6 cans of 'child' Fosters! (Swear, that's what is written!) So we had the beer and the masala chanas but no place to sit! So, 5 of us sat in our boss's car, Civic. He was in the drivers' seat with a guy up front and two other guys with me in the back. Quite cozy it was. Till the other two girls(thankfully) showed up. So the other two went up front and the dude came back.
Holy, bloody hell and bhains ki eyes followed! So imagine this, 4 people in the backseat of a Honda Civic which includes 1 xxl sized punjabi me, 1 xl sized jat boy from gurgaon, 1 bengali dada and 1 tiny oriya bihari (diverse office). I was sitting with my back against the door, holding onto the headrest of the drivers seat whereas the oriya-bihar was snuggling up to bengali dada and the jat boy was crushing against me! And of course, we were all drinking beer :)
This is just the backseat. there was another punjabi xl girl up front with a slim bengali gal! And of course, the boss in the drivers' seat. We were giggling madly, burping beer, and basically acting mad! We scared a couple of people in the parking lot as well. And when we took a short drive! Wooo hoo! And of course, later we all pretended that we got drunk on just one beer each. Hehehehehehehe... it was fun :)
The air is shimmering with smoke, the roads are packed with cars, and my tummy is growing. Yes, it is time for Diwali again. (Actually tummy grows whenever but what the...)
The market near my house has got this decoration roof thingy. It looks nice, gives the whole place a 'festive' look. My house is overflowing with boxes and wrapping paper, sweets and chocolates and the three dogs running scared all over (crackers).
But this post is not about that. You see, I was a bit confused this year. See, as a kid I was never allowed out of the house on Diwali as I was an asthmatic. I used to venture out with a mask on my face which Swine Flu has made very popular (15 years too late!!) \. When I hit my teens, the asthma kinda died but then the bloody government woke up and decided to make schoolkids sign petitions about not bursting crackers. So that was that. Diwali was not synonymous with crackers anymore. Point to be noted-> No crackers.
For the last 2-3 years, I've been losing faith in this whole 'religion, god' business. I don't say that there is no god but I don't believe in the 'pray and get' funda anymore. So Diwali is not synonymous with Ram coming home anymore. Point to be noted -> No god funda. (ps-I also dislike Ram for abandoning preggie wife)
The last 5-6 years have seen increased spending on Diwali. Giving gifts has become a 'thing' that has to be done. I don't like it. 'Namaste auntie. Nahin maine shaadi nahin karni! Hawww! Blah blah blah'. Shopping trips where aunts calculate 'ki kitna dena hai'! Uff, Delhi seriously shows off to much! So, Diwali is not synonymous with gifts anymore. Point to be noted -> No gifts.
What do I celebrate for then?
Confused I was scratching my head when my mum plonked a steaming bowl of her famous 'moon daaal halwa' dripping with ghee and full of dry fruits in front of me (note: this is same mum who says my tummy is the size of a globe). Suddenly, I have a reason to celebrate again :)
Have a Sweet Diwali people! Eat responsibly. Say NO to healthy, diety food :D
Hometown Delhi has been in the news a lot. And of course, for the wrong reasons. Delhi is uncivilized. Ooh how dare they make such accusations? Uncivilized? That's hitting way above the belt! Marna hai toh neeche maaro! Delhi is uncouth. Delhi is rude. Delhi is not a city... it is a bloody jungle! I'm driving 50 kilometers a day (to & fro office) and am appalled to say that the driving sense of Delhites has deteriorated from what it used to be. (Sense 1 & Sense 2)
So what's tickling the steering wheels these days? Let's find out:
1. Never use indicators. The person driving the vehicle behind your car/truck/bus has ESP and will be able to slow down in time when you cut a right from the far left lane of the road.
2. In case of roads without a physical divider, drive on both sides of the road. After all, the other person doesn't know you didn't pay tax. Own the road! Its yours! Screw the rest.
3. Honk before the red-light has turned green. You don't? How LS...
4. Stuck at a one-way? Don't worry. Nobody will even see you coming! Zip through. You'll be in and out in a flash anyway.
5. Change lanes without giving indicators. Who cares anyway?
6. So you're driving a motorcycle. So what? Weave in and out of the traffic. You're a lean and mean snake. Hiss, scratch, bite here n there. You are one with the bike. Move with it. Onto the pavement and over pedestrians feet. Slam into cars' wing mirrors (who uses them anyway!) Never mind the oncoming cars and busses. They can pre-meditate where your lithe bike will sway next. Go ahead, enjoy!
7. It's important that your car/bus/bike/dying chetak/vespa(scooty types) be envied by everyone. So never park in the allotted area. Exceed just a bit and you'll get such admiration! the lovely, mellow tones of your fans... Bask in the glory you mad****od (In case this doesn't work, park behind a car and leave the car in gear and pull up the handbrake! That is foolproof!)
8. Ok, so you've reached a red-light and the ch***ya cop is standing so you have to stay behind those white stripey thingies (identify here). So if you're a dude (don't look down, its still there), and have seen a girl whose car is like an inch ahead of you, VROOM two inches ahead! That'll show her who's boss. And if she (like me) wants to play hardball, press hard on the accelerator, blow smoke up n all that. This shows her that you're an alpha male (she doesn't know that you got out of bed to pick up mom/gf/wife/sis halfway across town).
9. All that driving is bound to stress you out. Practice the yoga-in-car aaasan. Muscles taut in the drivers' seat. One hand gripping the steering tightly. (Please follow instructions carefully) Now, channel all the anger at the boss (his idiocy, his incompetency blah blah), frustration at the lunch box full of healthy food, frustration of never finding parking space for a car that is 20 feet long, channel all these emosuns... very carefully, slowly to your right shoulder blade (even lefties, the right has powerful energies). Now gather all this emosun in the ball of you shoulder, place your palm above the horn button and let the emosun flow!!! The result is extremely effective. Loud tones will caress your eardrums and those around you. Must for drives of over 1 kilometer. This aasan is not advised to drives under 1km. It is said that the adrenalin produced as the after effect in that short duration is hazardous to your health.
Like I said, Delhi is not uncivilized. The term is too nice.
The moment draws close. It must happen. Beads of sweat line my forehead. Shaking hands pressed against my legs in a vain hope to calm self. The breath shortens each second that tick towards the inevitable. Must calm self. Cloudy vision. Tears stream down my cheeks. A faltering step and… Hyperventilation!
This can’t be happening. It just can’t be. “I love you” I plead, “Please don’t push me away.” Its heart wrenching, this separation. My brain screams, “Let go!” My heart cries in pain. Oh the agony of it all. Sleepless nights, irritable days. People think I’m PMSing.
And yet, I know I must let go. The separation was my idea. I must stand by my beliefs. Oh cruel, cruel fate! “We will meet again,” I promise my sobbing heart. “Oh why does life have to be so hard?” it wails. Why is the right thing so difficult? Why O lord, why?
Oh let me enjoy the few precious moments left. I might not see you for a very long time. What a relationship we’ve had. Two and a half years! I’d become so used to you. I can’t live without you! The late-night long drives, the impromptu beer bashes in the parking lot. The Sundays spent in Landmark reading Calvin & Hobbes, the I’m-not-sleepy-let’s go-catch-a-movie night, the weekend spent at home with chocolates and wine…
O darling, my love; freedom, don’t leave me! Don’t leave me… please…
(The heartfelt ramblings of a girl who’s sacrificing her independence and going back to live with her parents again, after spending all of her working life away from home (Yes, its only been two and half years). It’s for the ‘Greater Good’ but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Sigh, it’s going be so damn difficult! Sniff.)
1. What is your current obsession?
Dilbert (reading the entire thing actually), writing insanely macabre stories, sleeping, reading…
2. What are you wearing today?
A long t-shirt. Didn’t go to office as I was throwing up the whole of last night.
3. What’s for dinner?
Khichdi… coz of the tummy.
4. What’s the last thing you bought?
A book called Oxymoronica!
5. What are you listening to right now?
Here without you by 3 Doors Down
6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Is it a rock star? Is it a superstar? No it’s my ‘older’ twin. She’s brilliant and amazing and truly funjabi :)
7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Swiss Alps or Paris or Mcleodganj
8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Endless supply of 21 love ice-cream from Nirula’s, white cotton t-shirts.
9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Venice!
10. Which language do you want to learn?
French
11. What’s your favourite quote?
Can’t pick one!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
12. Who do you want to meet right now?
Johnny Depp… Its 3 am and I’m sleepless ;)
13. What is your favourite colour?
Blue.
14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
A green T-shirt I bought on a trip to Mcleodganj in my final year of college. It has holes in it but I just love it!
15. What is your dream job?
Where I get paid tonnes of cash to do nothing at all!
16. What’s your favourite magazine?
Uhh… not too much of a magazine reader. But as a kid I used to love National Geographic. Dad used to give me month old ones so I wouldn’t spoil them!
17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Books and books and more books
18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Sequins on saris and salwar kameez! C’mon I’m going blind here!
19. What would you do if you have a time machine?
Visit Shakespeare and seduce him. I think Romeo & Advitiya sounds way better!
20. Describe your personal style?
Totally casual. I once wore sweats and jeans to a wedding!
21. What are you going to do after this?
Try to sleep
22. What are your favourite movies?
Uhh a huge list here. Old Hindi comedies are brilliant. Anything which has Johnny depp is good too. Godfather, Omkaara, Maqbool are a few all time favvies.
24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can’t live without?
Nike Men’s Deo (it’s awesome!)/ Jovan White Must, Lakme Strawberry Face wash and Vaseline lip gel
23. What inspires you?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
24. What do you carry in your bag?
The world! I have a backpack and it contains hairbrushes, whisper ultras, 3 notebooks, 4-5 pens, various scripts from work, kajal, a book in case of emergency boredom, mobile charger, food bills, and atm receipts.
25. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Close my eyes and do Eenie-meeni-miney-moe
26. Coffee or tea?
None. Cold milk without sugar
27. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Put on music and write while eating chocolate
28. What is the meaning of your name?
Advitiya means second to none. Dad wasn’t sure whether it was going to be a boy or girl so he went for the neutral thingy. Of course most people don’t get that! The number of times I’ve been called aditya/ aditi is infuriating.
29. Which other blogs you love visiting?
Too many to list.
30. Favourite Dessert/Sweet?
Mom’s moong daal halwa, Chocolate Avalanche, Penalty, Knickerbocker glory, Molten baby chocolate cake, blueberry cheesecake… so many
31. Favourite Season?
Autumn/ winter. The perfect time to cosy up with a book.
32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Chicken pasta. I never eat it alone and always love company
33. What’s your current mood?
Confused. It is very normal.
34. One book/movie/song that made you sit up and think?
Fountainhead & Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
The rules are:
Respond and rework – Answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one more question of your own. Then tag eight or ten other set of people.
I would like to share these awards and tag….
It's supposed to be the lucky one. Well, I got a chocolatey creamy facial courtesy office people, loads of books (I'd sent out lists to people 2 weeks back), yummy cake, good food and plenty of booze :)
Turned 24 on the 24th! Yikes... this is the age I thought I'd get married when I was a kid!!! One of my school friends in getting married! It scares the shit outta me!
Anyway, here's to a new resolution list: 1. Loose weight (Its always there!) 2. uhh... buy more books :)
I'm a simple gurl with simple wishes! :)
Party was on the quiet side. Me n sis got smashed n bitched the whole night through. My best friend was in Ranchi making out with a Norwegian dude (don't ask), my other best friend was riding side saddle on a bike in Ujjain, and my daaru buddy had to go 'ladki-dekhne' for his elder brother!
In the words of Joey Tribbiani: Why you doin this to us, God? Why????
Fat sony walkmans The casio ‘wham’ demo song ‘Sorry Mario! Our princess is in another castle’ Ballet slippers Endless hours of tetris ICQ chat MSN chatrooms. Oh I miss them so much! Rushing home to catch Nikhil Chinnappa on MTV Select I dream of Jeanie in hindi Flintstones, Jetsons, Top Cat, Atom ant, Little Lulu, Disney Hour! The Macreena Covering my brother’s eyes during the steamy car scene in Titanic (He now covers my eyes when I see his cell phone) The huge Nokia phones The journey from north Delhi to south which took an hour and was considered a ‘long pleasant drive’ Waiting for the English song hour on Air Fm Radio… The ice cream drives when the electricity was out Big babool tattoos Nancy Drew and Hardy boys, Sweet Valley High and SV University (these were taboo so cherished more!) Boyzone, Spice girls, MLTR, Backstreet boys! (I was insanely in love with Brian Litterel & Ronan keating) Kwality ice cream! The thrill of wearing jeans to school because of the Dengue scare! Truth n Dare. I once ran after a guy with a shoe cause he asked me out! Wow… V-day in school! Torture! Cotton eyed joe! ‘No one can eat just one’ contests Chik chik chiklets! The wonder of Windows 95! Watching movies at Chanakya (Tickets bought in black) Ice cream, balloons and horse riding at India Gate Petrol cheaper than bottled water Mid-dee dresses phase! I think had around 10! Birthday lunches at McDonalds Titanic T-shirts and bags WWF cards Oohhh You can play Cds on a PC And record a CD on a PC!! (Expensive though) We’re getting a VCD player??? Really!!! (Dance mad with excitement) A microwave… awesome… I can make instant popcorn! Dial up modems! Bean bags The ‘cool’ locket SRK wore in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Inane but memorable Hungry Hippos, Monopoly, Life, Scotland Yard, Scrabble Jungle jungle baat chali hai…chaddhi pehen kar phool khila hai
I’d gone home last weekend. Was rummaging in my forgotten desk for a pen and found an old diary! It was one those Archies lock diaries. Fuck! It was like looking at someone else’s thoughts. I’ve evolved into something I never thought I could be at that age. There was an entry I found where I expressed my disdain for ‘pre marital sex’. My horror at the concept of ‘live-in relationships’. My undying love for Prince Charles. In my defence, I’d only seen pictures of him getting married. (Something doesn’t sound right here but wtf!) The little things I’d just mentioned in passing seem to me so precious now! So decided to make a list of things I miss from my yesteryears!
I'm a writer at heart and yet find it difficult to describe myself. I have new perspectives everyday and change at the speed of thought. My brain goes nuts every other second and spews some insane ramblings posted here.
Am patiently waiting for the day when reality becomes wilder than my imagination!
There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.
